Sources
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/asking-advice-makes-a-good-impression1/
http://time.com/92732/how-to-make-people-like-you-6-science-based-conversation-hacks/
https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/10/how-to-get-people-to-like-you/
http://psychlens.com/psychological-tricks/
http://www.businessinsider.com/psychological-tricks-to-influence-people-2015-8
http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/ben_franklin_effect.htm
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201510/honoring-the-rule-reciprocatio
http://time.com/92732/how-to-make-people-like-you-6-science-based-conversation-hacks/
https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2014/10/how-to-get-people-to-like-you/
http://psychlens.com/psychological-tricks/
http://www.businessinsider.com/psychological-tricks-to-influence-people-2015-8
http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/ben_franklin_effect.htm
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201510/honoring-the-rule-reciprocatio
Script
Hello everybody and welcome back to Sai-cology, with me, Saira.
Today’s topic is the third and final installment in the “How to Make People Like You” category and this topic is called “Give and Take.”
Sai-Cology Card
Give and Takeis about ways you can give things to others or ask things from them in order to increase your likeability. This comes from human nature’s desire to be wanted and needed as well as our vanity and liking of compliments and being taken care of.
First, Parroting
Because we know Like Mindsare very effective, paraphrasing or repeating what someone just said is a great hack for if you zone out. If you say it in a questioning way, it will make them elaborate. If you state it, it seems like you are confirming and were paying attention to what they just said. Repetition can be effective and also helps create the effect that you are on the same wavelength.
The second tip is Seeking Advice
When you ask someone for advice, they think you are smart for choosing to ask them, the clearlymore wise one for help. This strokes their ego and can lead to further conversation and mutual information sharing. This is also an indirect way of complimenting someone— its proof you thought their opinions were valuable and beneficial. It’s also helpful if you ask for feedback after you made a mistake since it shows you have a good work ethic, competence, and a willingness to improve. People by nature wantto be helpful, so most people will try their best to give you advice if they have time.
When someone asks you for advice first off, think of a way to give feedback by asking a question. This lets the person solve their problem by themselves without feeling attacked. Also, tough love is key. You want to give constructive but honest criticism. Even though at first people may view you as harsh eventually they will go to you and value and trust your opinion more than those who just sugar coat and give out compliments without meaning it.
Moving on now to some general conversation tips. First, ask people about themselves since it is human nature to find self-disclosure rewarding. Also, before you ask them a general life question, ask them about something positive first to get them in a better mood.
Also, when in discussion with people, make sure to suspend your own ego. Ego Suspension Don’t correct people or try to one up them – contradiction activates defense and fighting mode. It’s totally fine to disagree with people or enlighten them on something they don’t know, but there is a way to go about it that doesn’t create a hostile environment. A helpful way is to use modifiers like “sometimes” or “I’m not sure.” It can be better to play dumb to make friends than smart and be isolated.
It’s totally cool to show of your knowledge about something, but make sure it’s at the right time and place and in a way that doesn’t humiliate someone else.
Another tip to make people like you is to Gossip Positively. This is for a number of reasons. One, it will make you come off as a nice person. People won’t be worried you’ll turn on them as soon as they leave the conversation and trust you more. Two, people will subconsciously associate you with characteristics you describe and these traits will be transferred to you. So when you’re saying “Mary Jane is so annoying and fake.” Others might be thinking “So are you.” Not good.
In a similar vein, Unsolicited Complimentsare a great way to win people’s favor. This is when they aren’t fishing or expecting one, but you go out of your way to say something nice anyways—Just make sure you actually mean what you’re saying or they’ll think you are fake or worse, making fun of them.
Finally, the last big thing is Favors. This is due to the human and social norm of reciprocity. It is ingrained in us to want to repay others and “even the balance” when people help (or harm) us. So to use this to make others like you, you want to play with this balance of debts.
Making yourself owe someone else is known as the Ben Franklin Effect. The viral life hack of asking someone to borrow their pencil to make them like you stems from this. The trick here is to emphasize that you are grateful, RETURN THE PENCIL to them, and say that you owe them one. Franklin used this trick with one of his enemies and turned them from hater into bestie. Conversely, if you see someone in need of help, offer to help them so they will owe you one. Just be sure to suggest that this is part of the expectation or norm that you guys have to help each other or look out for each other, so they will feel indebted to you to do the same when you need help
This works due to Cognitive Dissonance. If you lend someone something or if someone lends you something, it must be because they like you. Even if they didn’t before, the act of doing this needs justification, so they will start to like you in order to have their beliefs match up with their actions.
So there’s a lot that goes into making people like you. From matching your minds and personalities and looks to just being around others to what we learned today with giving and taking, there are plenty of ways to win favor and make others like you. I’m sure I haven’t covered everything in this topic but I have plenty more to cover in the upcoming weeks! Next week, we’ll change categories to how to change people’s personalities or actions, and after that, get into mind control. (oooooooOOOOoo)
If you want to check out my sources for this video or other cool psychology resources, check the description box below. Be sure to like, subscribe and hit that bell so you won’t miss the next episode where you’ll learn more tips and tricks to make people like you and change minds. Also, be sure to comment any questions, thoughts or experiences you have and remember, to behave yourself.
Today’s topic is the third and final installment in the “How to Make People Like You” category and this topic is called “Give and Take.”
Sai-Cology Card
Give and Takeis about ways you can give things to others or ask things from them in order to increase your likeability. This comes from human nature’s desire to be wanted and needed as well as our vanity and liking of compliments and being taken care of.
First, Parroting
Because we know Like Mindsare very effective, paraphrasing or repeating what someone just said is a great hack for if you zone out. If you say it in a questioning way, it will make them elaborate. If you state it, it seems like you are confirming and were paying attention to what they just said. Repetition can be effective and also helps create the effect that you are on the same wavelength.
The second tip is Seeking Advice
When you ask someone for advice, they think you are smart for choosing to ask them, the clearlymore wise one for help. This strokes their ego and can lead to further conversation and mutual information sharing. This is also an indirect way of complimenting someone— its proof you thought their opinions were valuable and beneficial. It’s also helpful if you ask for feedback after you made a mistake since it shows you have a good work ethic, competence, and a willingness to improve. People by nature wantto be helpful, so most people will try their best to give you advice if they have time.
When someone asks you for advice first off, think of a way to give feedback by asking a question. This lets the person solve their problem by themselves without feeling attacked. Also, tough love is key. You want to give constructive but honest criticism. Even though at first people may view you as harsh eventually they will go to you and value and trust your opinion more than those who just sugar coat and give out compliments without meaning it.
Moving on now to some general conversation tips. First, ask people about themselves since it is human nature to find self-disclosure rewarding. Also, before you ask them a general life question, ask them about something positive first to get them in a better mood.
Also, when in discussion with people, make sure to suspend your own ego. Ego Suspension Don’t correct people or try to one up them – contradiction activates defense and fighting mode. It’s totally fine to disagree with people or enlighten them on something they don’t know, but there is a way to go about it that doesn’t create a hostile environment. A helpful way is to use modifiers like “sometimes” or “I’m not sure.” It can be better to play dumb to make friends than smart and be isolated.
It’s totally cool to show of your knowledge about something, but make sure it’s at the right time and place and in a way that doesn’t humiliate someone else.
Another tip to make people like you is to Gossip Positively. This is for a number of reasons. One, it will make you come off as a nice person. People won’t be worried you’ll turn on them as soon as they leave the conversation and trust you more. Two, people will subconsciously associate you with characteristics you describe and these traits will be transferred to you. So when you’re saying “Mary Jane is so annoying and fake.” Others might be thinking “So are you.” Not good.
In a similar vein, Unsolicited Complimentsare a great way to win people’s favor. This is when they aren’t fishing or expecting one, but you go out of your way to say something nice anyways—Just make sure you actually mean what you’re saying or they’ll think you are fake or worse, making fun of them.
Finally, the last big thing is Favors. This is due to the human and social norm of reciprocity. It is ingrained in us to want to repay others and “even the balance” when people help (or harm) us. So to use this to make others like you, you want to play with this balance of debts.
Making yourself owe someone else is known as the Ben Franklin Effect. The viral life hack of asking someone to borrow their pencil to make them like you stems from this. The trick here is to emphasize that you are grateful, RETURN THE PENCIL to them, and say that you owe them one. Franklin used this trick with one of his enemies and turned them from hater into bestie. Conversely, if you see someone in need of help, offer to help them so they will owe you one. Just be sure to suggest that this is part of the expectation or norm that you guys have to help each other or look out for each other, so they will feel indebted to you to do the same when you need help
This works due to Cognitive Dissonance. If you lend someone something or if someone lends you something, it must be because they like you. Even if they didn’t before, the act of doing this needs justification, so they will start to like you in order to have their beliefs match up with their actions.
So there’s a lot that goes into making people like you. From matching your minds and personalities and looks to just being around others to what we learned today with giving and taking, there are plenty of ways to win favor and make others like you. I’m sure I haven’t covered everything in this topic but I have plenty more to cover in the upcoming weeks! Next week, we’ll change categories to how to change people’s personalities or actions, and after that, get into mind control. (oooooooOOOOoo)
If you want to check out my sources for this video or other cool psychology resources, check the description box below. Be sure to like, subscribe and hit that bell so you won’t miss the next episode where you’ll learn more tips and tricks to make people like you and change minds. Also, be sure to comment any questions, thoughts or experiences you have and remember, to behave yourself.