Sources
Miroring
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-words/201209/mimicry-and-mirroring-can-be-good-or-bad
https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2011/05/31/the-art-and-science-of-mirroring/#4965c9af1318
Reciprocal Liking
http://socialpsychonline.com/2015/06/reciprocal-liking-people-like-you-more-when-you-like-them/
http://sourcesofinsight.com/i-like-you-because-you-like-me/
Matching Hypothesis
http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/matching_hypothesis.htm
http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/interpersonal-relationships/matching-hypothesis/
Sexual Imprinting
http://theconversation.com/why-we-are-secretly-attracted-to-people-who-look-like-our-parents-54590
https://www.biorxiv.org/content/early/2017/08/23/135244
Assortative Mating
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=16&ved=0ahUKEwj22oPD76XaAhUF34MKHZT6CMgQFgimATAP&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sciencedirect.com%2Ftopics%2Fbiochemistry-genetics-and-molecular-biology%2Fassortative-mating&usg=AOvVaw1gzG69OlxN0dUI6xF-vuqN
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/277291.php
https://mic.com/articles/111010/there-s-a-disturbing-fact-about-the-people-we-choose-to-be-with#.OrTzSp2oi
Name Letter
https://www.psychologistworld.com/emotion/name-letter-effect-attraction
http://socialpsychonline.com/2015/06/name-letter-effect/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-words/201209/mimicry-and-mirroring-can-be-good-or-bad
https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2011/05/31/the-art-and-science-of-mirroring/#4965c9af1318
Reciprocal Liking
http://socialpsychonline.com/2015/06/reciprocal-liking-people-like-you-more-when-you-like-them/
http://sourcesofinsight.com/i-like-you-because-you-like-me/
Matching Hypothesis
http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/matching_hypothesis.htm
http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/interpersonal-relationships/matching-hypothesis/
Sexual Imprinting
http://theconversation.com/why-we-are-secretly-attracted-to-people-who-look-like-our-parents-54590
https://www.biorxiv.org/content/early/2017/08/23/135244
Assortative Mating
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=16&ved=0ahUKEwj22oPD76XaAhUF34MKHZT6CMgQFgimATAP&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sciencedirect.com%2Ftopics%2Fbiochemistry-genetics-and-molecular-biology%2Fassortative-mating&usg=AOvVaw1gzG69OlxN0dUI6xF-vuqN
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/277291.php
https://mic.com/articles/111010/there-s-a-disturbing-fact-about-the-people-we-choose-to-be-with#.OrTzSp2oi
Name Letter
https://www.psychologistworld.com/emotion/name-letter-effect-attraction
http://socialpsychonline.com/2015/06/name-letter-effect/
Script
Episode 1: Like Minds
SAIRA TITLE CARD
Hello and welcome to Sai-cology with me, Saira. Today, the topic is "How to Make People Like You" I'm going to be going through some different categories and within that, multiple theories and effects.
SAICOLOGY TITLE CARD
First category is… "Like Minds"
LIKE MINDS TITLE CARD
This category is how we as humans love ourselves, and we can use that to make others, like us too. Fundamentally, we like things that are familiar and safe, and things that are similar to ourselves. Because people know and (most likely) like themselves, it will increase the chances of them liking you as well.
First up, Reciprocal Liking!
This is the idea that we like people who like us. So, if you want someone to like you, make it clear (without being obnoxious) that you like them. The exception is people with low self-esteem. If someone likes you but you don't like yourself, you're more likely to reject them and their liking of you. (Or possibly not? Maybe you'll love them for liking you enough for the both of you. Psychology is a fickle science.) The other exception is if you're being FAKE. Fake compliments and flattery can be detected a MILE away, and usually quickly sours someone's opinion of you. I mean it just shows that you don't actually like them, and you're a liar.
Next up, "Mirroring."
Mirroring is when you non-verbally mimic or 'mirror' another person. This can include what you wear, how you move, how you talk, and posture. The trick is to be subtle about it. You're not trying to act like your annoying 8 year old cousin who repeats everything you say. We're talking lowkey mimicry (keep it lowkey). Sitting in the same posture, using similar words or energy level, wearing a similar style or color outfit, or highlighting similar interests. We even do it subconsciously - if someone you like scratches your nose, you'll be likely to copy that behavior. One caveat here is you don't want to mimic or mirror culture specific aspects. Like don't start dropping in foreign words or culture specific slang (don't be a poser), or start talking about tacos to relate to someone you think is Mexican (It's happened to me. Also, I'm not Mexican.).
Now we get into more uncontrollable factors, starting with the most gentle of them, the Name Letter Effect.
Basically, we like names that have the same letters as ours typically. I mean my mom's initials are SELim and she names her two kids Saira and Eli. I mean Eli is basically Elim without the M. My dad's name is Asad and my name also has two A's and one S. My mom's first name is Susan and SU are my initials. We like letters that are familiar to ours. We also are attracted to places that our similar to us. There is a disproportionate number of women who are named Virginia who live in Virginia. This even extends to brands where we like products and brand names similar to our own. I mean Sara Lee's got a leg up over Betty Crocker to me. We also like numbers associated with our birthday. I'm more likely to buy something that costs $3.28 than $3.21. There are some bad effects with this too. Studies show students with names starting with C or D perform worse than students whose names start with A and B.
Alllll right, moving on to the Matching Hypothesis! I know we all know "Opposites Attract", but the matching hypothesis has enough evidence behind it to prove that wrong. You ever get confused as siblings with your best friend or partner? This could explain it. We tend to like people in both romantic and platonic ways who have a similar level of physical attractiveness as us. But it can get creepier than that too… we also tend to like people who look like us-- but more on this later. We also like other similarities like age, race, education, religion and other personality traits and cognitive abilities.
There is also something called assortative mating, which shows we like people who have similar phenotypical DNA to us. Phenotypical means the DNA that makes us look alike.
Because we are drawn to the familiar, people also tend to date or befriend people who are similar to their opposite gender parent. This is called Sexual Imprinting and has been proven in other species of mammals and fish. Because this is based on the theory that our mate preferences are solidified at a young age, it is especially true if you've had a positive relationship with your parents in childhood. Now, this isn't to say we all have Oedipus and Electra complexes (Freud's complexes based on Greek myths that we secretly desire our parents), -- in fact, we actually have a built in aversion to attraction towards our immediate relatives -- an evolutionary development against incest. These theories just say we tend to be attracted to people who resemble them in either looks or personality. I mean if we live peacefully with our parents for 20 some years it's a good indication for a partner to be a long lasting living situation. Also, as for nature vs. nurture, this is true of Adoptive parents, so it isn't just our DNA, but in fact who takes care of us and raises us that we recognize as good and familiar.
In conclusion, if you want people to like you, first, make sure you like them first, and second, try to make yourself as similar and familiar to them as possible. I'm not saying though go and change who you are to make friends-- A lot of this stuff just isn't possible or reasonable to do, so we'll get into some more ways to make people like you in the next episodes.
If you want to see more cool psychology resources or my sources, check the description box below and be sure to like, subscribe, and hit that bell for the next episodes where I'll talk about more strategies. Also leave a comment with your thoughts and experiences or any questions you might have. See you next time, and remember, to behave yourself! (5:37)
SAIRA TITLE CARD
Hello and welcome to Sai-cology with me, Saira. Today, the topic is "How to Make People Like You" I'm going to be going through some different categories and within that, multiple theories and effects.
SAICOLOGY TITLE CARD
First category is… "Like Minds"
LIKE MINDS TITLE CARD
This category is how we as humans love ourselves, and we can use that to make others, like us too. Fundamentally, we like things that are familiar and safe, and things that are similar to ourselves. Because people know and (most likely) like themselves, it will increase the chances of them liking you as well.
First up, Reciprocal Liking!
This is the idea that we like people who like us. So, if you want someone to like you, make it clear (without being obnoxious) that you like them. The exception is people with low self-esteem. If someone likes you but you don't like yourself, you're more likely to reject them and their liking of you. (Or possibly not? Maybe you'll love them for liking you enough for the both of you. Psychology is a fickle science.) The other exception is if you're being FAKE. Fake compliments and flattery can be detected a MILE away, and usually quickly sours someone's opinion of you. I mean it just shows that you don't actually like them, and you're a liar.
Next up, "Mirroring."
Mirroring is when you non-verbally mimic or 'mirror' another person. This can include what you wear, how you move, how you talk, and posture. The trick is to be subtle about it. You're not trying to act like your annoying 8 year old cousin who repeats everything you say. We're talking lowkey mimicry (keep it lowkey). Sitting in the same posture, using similar words or energy level, wearing a similar style or color outfit, or highlighting similar interests. We even do it subconsciously - if someone you like scratches your nose, you'll be likely to copy that behavior. One caveat here is you don't want to mimic or mirror culture specific aspects. Like don't start dropping in foreign words or culture specific slang (don't be a poser), or start talking about tacos to relate to someone you think is Mexican (It's happened to me. Also, I'm not Mexican.).
Now we get into more uncontrollable factors, starting with the most gentle of them, the Name Letter Effect.
Basically, we like names that have the same letters as ours typically. I mean my mom's initials are SELim and she names her two kids Saira and Eli. I mean Eli is basically Elim without the M. My dad's name is Asad and my name also has two A's and one S. My mom's first name is Susan and SU are my initials. We like letters that are familiar to ours. We also are attracted to places that our similar to us. There is a disproportionate number of women who are named Virginia who live in Virginia. This even extends to brands where we like products and brand names similar to our own. I mean Sara Lee's got a leg up over Betty Crocker to me. We also like numbers associated with our birthday. I'm more likely to buy something that costs $3.28 than $3.21. There are some bad effects with this too. Studies show students with names starting with C or D perform worse than students whose names start with A and B.
Alllll right, moving on to the Matching Hypothesis! I know we all know "Opposites Attract", but the matching hypothesis has enough evidence behind it to prove that wrong. You ever get confused as siblings with your best friend or partner? This could explain it. We tend to like people in both romantic and platonic ways who have a similar level of physical attractiveness as us. But it can get creepier than that too… we also tend to like people who look like us-- but more on this later. We also like other similarities like age, race, education, religion and other personality traits and cognitive abilities.
There is also something called assortative mating, which shows we like people who have similar phenotypical DNA to us. Phenotypical means the DNA that makes us look alike.
Because we are drawn to the familiar, people also tend to date or befriend people who are similar to their opposite gender parent. This is called Sexual Imprinting and has been proven in other species of mammals and fish. Because this is based on the theory that our mate preferences are solidified at a young age, it is especially true if you've had a positive relationship with your parents in childhood. Now, this isn't to say we all have Oedipus and Electra complexes (Freud's complexes based on Greek myths that we secretly desire our parents), -- in fact, we actually have a built in aversion to attraction towards our immediate relatives -- an evolutionary development against incest. These theories just say we tend to be attracted to people who resemble them in either looks or personality. I mean if we live peacefully with our parents for 20 some years it's a good indication for a partner to be a long lasting living situation. Also, as for nature vs. nurture, this is true of Adoptive parents, so it isn't just our DNA, but in fact who takes care of us and raises us that we recognize as good and familiar.
In conclusion, if you want people to like you, first, make sure you like them first, and second, try to make yourself as similar and familiar to them as possible. I'm not saying though go and change who you are to make friends-- A lot of this stuff just isn't possible or reasonable to do, so we'll get into some more ways to make people like you in the next episodes.
If you want to see more cool psychology resources or my sources, check the description box below and be sure to like, subscribe, and hit that bell for the next episodes where I'll talk about more strategies. Also leave a comment with your thoughts and experiences or any questions you might have. See you next time, and remember, to behave yourself! (5:37)